Laughing Out Loud Page 25

  Remember, the first step in marketing your wares is to be good.

  Gene Perret

  So you have written the funniest television pilot, the wittiest new screwball feature comedy or the fall-down hilarious independent farce that will make Clerks look like Greek tragedy. Now how do you sell it, how do you get it produced, filmed, distributed, and set up for healthy returns on video and television reruns? Gene Perret, whose television credits include a lot of work for Bob Hope, Carol Burnett, Bill Cosby and others, put it best: "Acquiring the skill is the easiest part because you are in control. You depend on no one else. If it takes six hours of practice a day for three years to become a proficient jazz drummer, you can arrange your life to do that. Convincing others of your proficiency, though, can be frustrating because you're not in control. They are" (219).

  This book has focused on the writing of comedy and the traditions and elements involved in that writing. But I do wish to close with at least some suggestions of what happens next, when you are not in control.

  Networking and Sharpening Skills

  No crossed legs during a pitch.

  Jurgen Wolff

  At the center of "what happens next" is the gathering of information, both about who is who and how to reach them and also about new ideas, perspectives and techniques that could serve you well in your writing and efforts to move your scripts into production. Consider the following sources of information:

  Newsletters

  Orben's Current Comedy, 1200 N. Nash St, #1122, Arlington, VA 22209

  Gene Perret's Round Table, PO Box 13, King of Prussia, PA 19406

  The Internet

  No one needs to be told, "Hey, check the Net." All you need is to dedicate some time to exploring sites that could be immensely helpful to you. Wherever you start, you are sure to find another hundred paths opening up before you. But, for starters, here are a few:

  Sites for Writers

  Writers Guild of America: http://www.wga.org

  This site provides special links with a variety of sites to help writers, including sites on children's literature, sites on Shakespeare, and screenwriting sites such as Hollywood Writers Network and Tip Sheet for Low Budget Scripts.

  Screenplays On Line

  There are a number of websites that give you access to complete screenplays, some of which you can download and others you cannot. Drew's Scripts-O-Rama and all the others can be reached via a listing on Cinemedia after you type in "Screenplays":

  On a recent check of Drew's site, I found the following as just a sampling of comic scripts on line: The Blues Brothers, The Breakfast Club, Home Alone, Clueless, Annie Hall, Dr. Strangelove, Brazil, Barton Fink, Fargo and many, many others.

  Comedy On Line

  Any search engine on the Net will come up with over eight thousand sites, but here are a few that are recommended:

  The American Association for Therapeutic Humor: http://www.callamer.com/itc/aath/steves.html

  Chris Rock and His Talk Show: http://www.hbo.com/chrisrock

  How to Be Annoying & Humorous: http://www.math.fau.edu/kiotzbach/amusing/annoying.html

  Jim Carrey: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywoodgogo/index.html

  Men Jokes (many of which actually make fun of the male species!): home3.swipnet.se /-w-37418/menjokes.html

  Odd Dancing Baby: http://hgabweb.cit.cornell.edu/cha.html

  A computer-animated baby doing a very weird funky chicken dance. Anarchistic? Completely!

  Randomized Punchlines: http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/ Humor_Jokes_and_Fun / Randomized_Things /

  Stand-up Comedy Bingo: http://www.fadetoblack.com/bingo.html

  Yes, a bingo card with bad jokes and groaners rather than letters and numbers!

  Tony Kornheiser, columnist for The Washington Post: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/1603/korn.html

  Workshops and Conferences

  There is an increasingly wide variety of comedy-oriented workshops and conferences being organized around the country (and indeed around the world) that may very well be useful to you. As with any conference, it's not just what you learn but who you meet that counts.

  One of the most respected is the annual Conference on the Positive Power of Humor & Creativity, put together for over a dozen years by the HUMOR Project. No, this is not a film- or television-centered outfit. Rather, the focus here is on including businesses, corporations, institutions and organizations within a world of humor. Participants in the past have come from IBM, AT&T, AARP, Procter & Gamble, Xerox as well as many other professions and walks of life. For information contact:

  Film, TV and Comedy Festivals

  There is no better way to make contacts swiftly with people from around the world than at some of the major film festivals. This goes particularly for foreign producers, directors and filmmakers, but ironically it is often easier to catch a Hollywood producer in Toronto than in Los Angeles. Think about it: on their home turf they are working nonstop or playing tennis. In Montreal, Montreux or else where, however, they are more relaxed and more apt to have free time to chat, share a cafe au lait and give advice.

  Your best bet? A festival most Americans don't know about but should: the Rose d'Or International Festival of Television Comedy, held in Montreux, Switzerland, each April. The Rose d'Or (Golden Rose) brings together the shakers and makers of sitcoms, stand-up comedy, variety comedy, musical comedy, game shows and arts specials from around the world to display, screen, sell and buy comedy. And that's no joke. Thousands have been laughing all the way to the bank for forty years each April in Montreux. Their actual title for the whole list of offerings is "light entertainment television programming." For information if you are in North America:

  The headquarters in Switzerland is:

  There is a market at which videos can be screened, along with seminars and presentations, but best of all is simply the chance to meet those interested in comedy from all over the world.

  Marketing Your Comedies Abroad

  If you are American, you most likely are thinking about writing for an American market. But in the spirit of exploding a few more unexploded mimes, take a moment to realize how much comedy is written abroad that may well need someone like you to help out. No matter what country you are from, the message is the same: laugh locally but think globally! For instance:

  Writing for Foreign Television

  According to Variety, one-fifth of German television programming is written by American writers. "American writers have a firm grasp of character development and sitcom structure," comments one executive working with the Ger mans (Hills, 46). Think about it. And think about the number of countries in the world that are, like Germany, beginning to realize there is gold and laughter in hiring American writers, who can continue to live in the States but who can pen comedy that can entertain the home country writing the checks.

  Co-Writing or Writing for Foreign Film Productions

  As I complete this book, I am also finishing a new feature comedy. But it is not an American film at all. Rather, I am at this moment in New Zealand, cowriting with Russell Campbell a nutty sheep-farm jazz comedy that brings together an African American jazz band and an all-girl bagpipe band in the isolated sheep country on the South Island of New Zealand. And in the past three years I have written feature comedies under contract in Norway, Greece and Hungary. The satisfactions have been tremendous, including the pure fun of travel, meeting new people and catching on to how universal most humor is.

  How do you sign up to write an Argentine or Dutch or Polish comedy? Of course there is no 1-800-COMEDIES-ABROAD number. But partially it is a matter of getting in touch with countries and filmmakers from countries you admire. My work with noted Hungarian filmmaker George Szomjas came about because I met him at the Montreal International Film Festival after seeing one of his nutty social comedies that I particularly loved. That led to a visit to Hungary, and to his visit to New Orleans; the rest is an ongoing history and, yes, carnival. Similarly, my interest in New Zeal
and films, ranging from the powerful drama of Once Were Warriors and The Piano to Peter Jackson's absurdist humor in Bad Taste and other films, led eventually to an exchange teaching assignment in Wellington, which in turn opened up opportunities such as my current sheep-farm comedy.

  The lesson from such experiences? Be open to meeting people whose work you admire, and to attending film festivals. Also consider living abroad in a country you enjoy! Most countries do have script development funds, through either a film commission or some kind of arts and culture funding, so that it may very well be possible to make proposals with a filmmaker from that country to write your comedy for the big screen or for television.

  Studying Screenwriting Abroad

  There are also fine film and broadcasting programs abroad. Consider the following four:

  The Summer Screenwriting Program in Croatia, run by Ohio University. Filmmaker Rajko Grlic of Zagreb is now a filmmaking professor at Ohio University in Athens, Ohio, and runs a splendid script seminar on the Adriatic Coast in Croatia each summer, bringing over faculty such as Lew Hunter of UCLA and Yvette Biro of NYU. Students now come from the States, Croatia, Bosnia and other countries. Well worth checking into. Contact: Rajko Grlic, Film Department, Ohio University, Athens, Ohio 45701.

  Screenwriting and Filmmaking Program, FAMU, the film school of Prague in the Czech Republic. It's hard to imagine a more pleasant city in the world than Prague. FAMU is the school that produced so many well-known directors, including Milos Forman and many Yugoslav directors, such as Emir Kusturica and Srdjan Karanovic. Contact Director of the English Language Screenwriting and Filmmaking Program, FAMU, Akademie Muzekych Umeni, Smestanova NA 3.2, Prague i, The Czech Republic. Fax: 422-24-23-0285. They do have a special program offered in English, both for short sessions of a few weeks and for longer periods.

  MA Degree in Screenwriting Program, Institute Medievitenskop TV, University of Bergen in Norway. A new screenwriting MA program that shows great promise because of its strong emphasis on developing a variety of approaches to the craft. I can vouch first-hand for the quality of the staff involved, having been a guest of their program in the past. Contact Dr. Alvaro Raminez at the program listed above, University of Bergen, Fossvoinokelsgt 6N, 50o Bergen, Norway. Fax: 475558-9149. E-mail: Alvaro.Raminez@media.uib.no.

  The International Academy of Broadcasting in Switzerland. An excellent oneyear postgraduate program in all aspects of broadcasting on an international level. Students come from around the world, including Europe, Eastern Europe, Asia, Japan, Africa and South America. A wonderful chance to understand media on a global level. I enjoy teaching there each year for two weeks and find the students are extremely motivated and talented. Contact Dr. Aleksandar Todorovic, Dean at the school, Ave. de Florimont ii, Montreux 1, 1820, Switzerland. Fax: 4121-961-1665. E-mail: atodorovic@iab.ch.

  Making Your Own Comedies

  I am a great believer and supporter of independent filmmaking and television. Wherever you live, you can work with video, local access television, and even film to get your comedy made. Short comic films or videos, for instance, may well attract the attention of local television stations. And we can push for the day that the United States tries out some of the innovative ideas used in other countries. In New Zealand, for instance, one funding source offered grants of up to six hundred dollars to make films or videos of no more than two minutes, which would air nationally after midnight on television. Hey, think about it. That's a real opportunity to get your foot in the door, not to mention your jokes and gags.

  Then there is always making your own feature comedy. Take Kevin Smith and Clerks as an example. You don't need the budget of As Good As It Gets to make your first feature! Despite the escalating costs of Hollywood films, the independent and even home-movie route is always there!

  Get to know the film crowd in your area. There's no telling what like-spirited souls can do, especially when you provide the hilarious script that captures their imagination!

  And what to do once you get a film made? You could head for either coast, but I would start with film festivals. Read up on what is out there, either in Variety or the yearly International Film Guide edited by Peter Cowie, to get a feel for which festivals appeal to you and how to go about contacting them. Festivals mean exposure, press and contacts. Thus, I recommend the festival circuit before trying to sell your film to a distributor. After all, "award-winning comedy" sounds awfully good, even if the festival is not Cannes or Toronto!

  Selling Your Script in the United States

  I have no new wisdom to add to what most people know. Yes, you really need an agent if you wish to get in the front or back door of most production houses, stars' offices and network boardrooms. And yes, it is very hard to get an agent's attention, let alone her or his support and thus representation of your work. But if it were impossible, then the whole industry would stagnate and eventually grind to a halt.

  Start with the general recognition that a whole lot more comedy is bought, optioned and sold than other genres, so in a real sense you start with good news. I wrote a drama about the Bosnian war that I cared about a lot, but a very good Hollywood agent friend was quite honest in pointing out that Bosnia was not a subject Hollywood as he knows it would feel comfortable with in any shape or form. Comedy, however, is very different.

  It is not within the scope of this book to give a lengthy description of how to get an agent and how to work up business connections, since so many other useful books cover this topic fully. I would particularly recommend Richard Walter's The Whole Picture: Strategies for Screenwriting Success in the New Hollywood (New York: Plume/Penguin, 1997). He offers very helpful suggestions and takes an encouraging attitude. As he notes: "If agents are hard to reach, if they are reluctant to consider new writers, how can one explain all of the telephone traffic, letters, faxes, E-mail and even messengers showing up in the flesh, refusing to leave until they are handed a screenplay for delivery to their bosses?" (199).

  Well said. And let me close out with five suggestions of my own that I hope are of use in the totally wild world of marketing your own comic product. If you have succeeded in getting an agent, that cuts out a lot of what follows-but not all of it. Even if you have an agent, you cannot immediately buy a condominium in Hawaii. You need to stay alert and active as well. Meanwhile:

  1. Try joining one of the multitude of Internet script chat groups, both for support and for contacts. Several of my former students have had a lot of luck and help from such groups, and I know a growing number of writers who have gotten an agent of their own through such Internet support groups.

  2. Especially for your television series comic pilot, check out the production companies that make the comedies you like and get directly in touch with them. Going directly to a major network like ABC, NBC, Fox or CBS will not yield much success, for they deal with production companies themselves to create the "product." The trick is to get to know the production companies. They may well say they only take referred work, but some do accept spec scripts.

  3. When writing cover letters, be brief; always write to a specific person, not "To Whom It May Concern"; do not try to be "cute" or use gimmicks like brightly colored paper or fancy print fonts; and keep the whole letter or e-mail to one page, with your script summary also being no more than a page. Include a self-addressed, stamped envelope as well.

  4. Got an actor or actress you feel would be great for the part? Why not try to contact him or her through their agent? You should be able to access such information through the Net or reference books. This goes especially for up-and-coming stars and for those who are, shall we say, not working every day, for one reason or another. I was able to help the producers of The Dark Side of the Sun, which I was hired to rewrite, get Brad Pitt to be the lead, because, aside from some television work and bit parts, he had not yet had a lead role. Worth a shot, definitely! Yes, Brad has a sense of humor, and I still feel he should try his hand at more comedy!

  5. Enter screenwrit
ing competitions. Each year former students and writers whose scripts I've helped to evaluate have gotten the attention of agents and producers, in part because they have done well in various script competitions around the country. There are various lists of these contests, which come and go, but you should be aware of them and give them a try.

  Yes, there needs to be a "comic guide to marketing your script." But until it appears, do remember, above all, to keep your sense of humor! That goes for meetings with agents, producers, actors and everyone else. Too many of them are too serious, too stressed, too distracted. A good sense of humor always gets someone's attention and hearty appreciation.

  Feel free to contact me for any feedback, questions or help I may be able to pass on, including professional script evaluation and information on script seminars I run in Greece and the United States:

  Since the first custard pie was thrown in the early silent farces and Chaplin consumed his boot in The Gold Rush, and on through memorable scenes such as the oyster-eating scene in Tom Jones, all of Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? (1978), diner scenes in Sturges's Sullivan's Travels, all of Big Night and countless other moments, food and laughter were meant for each other.

  For inspiration, we include the menu for the meal in Big Night:

  ANTIPASTI

  Eggplant salad (caponata)

  Tarma J-fam

  Tocaccia

  Crostini with goat cheese

  LA ZUPPA

  Consomme

  I PRIMI

  T ¶issotto (Spinach, Seafood or Quatro Tormaggio)

  I SECONDI

  Baked Salmon

  Capon Stuffed with pomegranates

  J-falf Roasted Tig

  Tlatter of roasted artichokes

  Platter of sauteed mushrooms

  Tlatter of sauteed string beans

  Platter of roasted vegetables

  Grilled zucchini

  Grilled eggplant

  Grilled carrots

  'Bowl of roasted potatoes with peppers